Friday Fun: That’s Not What She Said

I like “That’s What She Said” jokes just as much as the next person. I could listen to them all day (and I do), but I really do miss the days when jokes didn’t have to be perverse or controversial to be funny. Somewhere around the age of 12 or 13, it seems like everyone’s funny bone becomes a funny boner. Humor and perversion become inseparable.

What happened to finding humor in a play on words that didn’t hinge on prepositions like “up” or “in?” When did we start having to look over both shoulders before telling a joke? When did NSFW even become an acronym?

Well, I, for one, still love the clean classics. A good knock knock joke or a clever and innocent play on words will tickle my fancy every time. So, in honor of the oldies but goodies, in honor of a time and age when we wouldn’t have understood a single Michael Scott joke, here are a few of my favorites:

Joke # 1

Q: “What did the mommy buffalo say to her child as he walked away?”

A: “Bye, son.”

BWAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA!!! Get it!? Bye, son. . . . Like bison – as in plural for buffalo?. . . . . . Man, this joke is genius. . . . . Now, catch your breath, I’ve got more.

Joke #2

Q: “Did you hear what happened to the peanut in Central Park?”

A: “He was a salted!”

Brilliant! Come on, someone call Mariska Hargitay, this peanut was A SALTED!!!!! Hahahahahaha! This is purified awesome.

Ok, Ok, there’s more…

Joke #3

One day a piece of string was going for a walk to blow off some steam. He ended up walking into a bar to get a beer. Immediately the bartender said: “Hey, aren’t you a piece of string?!”

String said: “Why, yes I am.”

The bartender replied, “We don’t serve string here, GET OUTTA MY BAR!”

Now String was pretty upset, but as he continued on his walk he ran into a friend. She said, “String, what’s wrong? You look so sad.”

String said, “Oh, I’m just having a bad day, and I got kicked out of this bar….”

She knew just the thing to make him feel better, so she frayed his ends. And sure enough, he felt like a whole new piece of string. Unfortunately though, the feeling didn’t last long, and soon he began to sulk again.

A little while later, he ran into another friend. She said, “String, what’s wrong? You look so sad.” He told her the whole story. She knew just the thing to make him feel better, so she tied him in a knot.

And it worked. String felt so great, he had the confidence to go back to that bar and demand his beer.

He walked in and said, “Bartender, gimme a beer!”

The bartender looked at him for second and said, “Hey, aren’t you that piece of string who came in here earlier?”

And then the string said, “No, I’m a frayed knot!”

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…………………………………………………..ah-hem

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Ok, Ok, I’m back. I’m Sorry. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even type (wiping tears from my eyes). That might be my favorite. joke. EVER. . . . . I’m a frayed knot. . . Who did that crazy string think he was fooling?

Ok, moving on. . .

Joke #4

Q: “Why did the tomato blush?”

A: “Because he saw the salad dressing”

Pure. Classic. Genius.

And finally. . . .

Joke #5

Now this one is for the super big nerds out there. And the fact that I even understand this joke is proof that working at Schipul has turned me into a bona fide GEEK. Special thanks to our programmers for this, as a couple of them recently tweeted this joke and had me in stitches.

“A SQL query walks into a bar. He approaches two tables and says: Mind if I join you?”

HilARious!!!! Y’all, jokes like this are why knee slapping EXISTS.

In conclusion. . .

I hope you enjoyed my sweet, silly and clean jokes. If you didn’t, I’m sorry. But don’t misunderstand my apology. I’m not sorry because I told them to you. I’m sorry because that little piece of your soul – the place where joy and simple things live – is empty. That must suck.

The End.