When Life Gets Hard, Work Harder

It was a short conversation. Maybe a grand total of 30 seconds, jam-packed with awkwardness and revelation at the same time (which, by the way, feels kinda weird). I was 16 or 17 years old, and Mr. Miller’s AP English class had just ended for the day. Mr. Miller was notorious for being rough, and for demanding perfection. His claim to fame – Deducting 31 points on any paper for one misplaced comma (he also performed the “Snoopy Dance” for our birthdays). But he was an amazing teacher, so I sat up straight to listen intently each day, and I was always sure to watch my commas.

The dismissal bell rang, and we all stood to leave.

Mr. Miller called me aside. ‘Hey, Kokoska. Gotta minute?”

‘Of course, Mr. Miller.” I had, and still have, an immense amount of respect for Mr. Miller. I would have had hours for him if he’d asked.

He looked down at me and pressed his lips together the way that father figures do when they are about to teach you a lesson. ‘I got an email from your sister last night.” (She was a student of his a few years before.)

‘Oh. That’s cool. I need to give her a call.”

His lips pressed together a little tighter; he took a deep breath. ‘She said you’re going through some pretty tough times right now, and that I should take it easy on you.”

A short but awkward pause ensued, during which my head was down and my cheeks turned bright red.

I could feel Mr. Miller’s eyes on me, but I didn’t want to look up. I had seen that pity look too many times, and I wasn’t interested in seeing it from him. I finally had to lift my head and meet his eyes, and there was no pity there at all. He just said, ‘I told her I wouldn’t.”

‘Thank you, Mr. Miller.”

He smiled, and I walked away to make my next class.

‘I told her I wouldn’t. . . .” Finally, someone gave a girl who was dealing with some pretty real circumstances a really real answer. I had heard my fair share clichés, but Mr. Miller told me two very important things in those 30 seconds.

1.)           His words told me, ‘Never be a victim of your circumstances”’ Life can suck. It does that sometimes. But when one part of life starts sucking, the other parts don’t get easier. Man up, and stay true to you.

2.)           His eyes told me, ‘I have confidence in you”’ A little bit of that goes a long way.

I got my first and only C that term, courtesy of Mr. Miller. But I know that I did my best for that C, and that I didn’t get the lower grade because I had a lot on my plate. I got the lower grade because we were reading William Faulkner that term (I still don’t know what The Bear is about, and I’m OK with that. . . Pick your battles.)

Mr. Miller taught me each day for two years, but he never taught me more than he did in those 30 seconds.

The lesson was simple: When life gets hard. . . Work harder.

So. . . thank you, Mr. Miller, for everything (except for the Faulkner; I didn’t like that at all).

The End

P.S.

Please excuse the sappy post. It’s the holiday season. I can’t help it.

Do what you do, do it well, and don’t stop till it’s done

Photo by Ed Schipul

The people that I’ve always respected and admired  in my life  are people that have worked hard for their success. I believe that anyone can be  successful at something if they work hard enough to get there.  My underlying value system has me programmed to work as hard as I can to achieve what I want in life. If I’m not successful, it only means that I’m not done yet.

One of the people that exemplifies the characteristics that I admire is Will Smith. In this compilation video, he talks about his belief system and how that system  got him to where he is in his life.

I don’t aspire to be like Will Smith, but I do identify with a lot of the things that he says. Except the part about the treadmill (2:35 minutes in); he can have that.

I can never claim to be the hardest working person (in show business;   hit me!) but I know that once you choose to do or choose to be, you’re half way there.  

Life is too short to not  commit  so get out there and get it done.

Music Lyrics That Change Your Life

Image from Bjork's album "Debut"
Cover from Bjork's album "Debut"

Thanks to Melissa for her post about Jerry Fuchs! Although I have never personally met a musician that changed my live, it did make me think of all the music and lyrics of bands that have had a major impact in my life. I have always listened to music to express my emotions. I think everyone does. There is a song that goes with every human emotion you can possibly think of.  I also love listening to music that really move you and push you to feel and think about things outside of yourself.

Here are some lyrics that have in one way or another impacted my life. There are lots of Bjork I know. What can I say. She helped me survive lots of heartache. I love you Bjork!

1.             I have become Comfortably Numb’ Comfortably NumbPink Floyd

2.             Did did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when a promise of a brave new world un fell beneath the clear blue skys’ Goodbye Blue SkyPink Floyd

3.             Sister and her boyfriend slept in a park
Had to leave home because he was dark|
Now they parade around New York with a baby boy
He’s Gorgeous!’ No One’s LeavingJanes Addiction

4.           You don’t know me
You don’t   know me
But you just keep on looking at me down low.
Oh no. – Obvious – Janes Addiction

5.             But he makes me want to hand myself over. –Pagan PoetryBjork

6.             I’m a tree that grows hearts
One for each that you take
You’re the intruders hand
I’m the branch that you break. –BacheloretteBjork

7.             Monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground
Silly monkeys give them thumbs
they forge a blade, and where there’s one they’re bound to divide it
right in two.   –Right in TwoTool

8.             How could I be so immature
To think he could replace
the missing element in me
How extremely lazy of me – ImmatureBjork.

9.             I am thinking it’s a sign
that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images
and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned – Such Great Heights‘Postal Service

10.             I don’t know my future after this weekend! And I don’t want to – Big Time SensualityBjork

11.             If the sun refused to shine
I would still be loving you.
If mountains crumble to the sea,
there will still be you and me – Thank YouLed Zepplin

12.             And to think
you got a grip
Look at yourself
Your lips are like two flaps of fat.
They go front and back and flappity flap’Exactly Where I’m At– Ween

13. You’ll be given love
You have to trust it
maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
your are staring at – All is Full of Love! – Bjork (one of my absolute favorite videos directed by brilliant music video director Chris Cunningham)

Lets keep it going folks. Post some lyrics that have changed your life or maybe they just made you smile.

Speak Kindly and Carry Big Drumsticks

If you Google ‘Jerry Fuchs,’ the first result you’ll find is a Wikipedia entry for Gerhardt Fuchs, American indie rock drummer, writer and graphic artist.   Jerry was a member of several bands including: Turing Machine, The Juan MacLean, !!! and Maserati.   He also recorded with Massive Attack and performed drums live with the groups MSTRKRFT and LCD Soundsystem.

You can easily find online videos of him cranking along like a human metronome with his Motorik-influenced, dance-inducing beats.   You can find videos of him performing on ‘Late Night with David Letterman”.   You can also watch him, when performing with Maserati, repeatedly execute a monster, one-armed drum fill.

Jerry toured continuously for years. He played shows all over the U.S., Europe, and the world beyond.   He traveled so often, in fact, that he rarely spent any time in his self-proclaimed ‘dumpy” closet-sized Brooklyn apartment.

I met Jerry at one of his Turing Machine shows in New York in 2002. Years later, I had the chance to not only meet Jerry again, but to also be included as one of the bands playing alongside his.   My band, Sharks and Sailors, was lucky enough to play two shows with Maserati here in Houston in 2007- both of which were a blast.

When you are around someone that is on another level than you, as far as musicianship goes (or art, design, sports, writing, photography or whatever you are into), it can be intimidating to strike up a conversation.   But Jerry was not only incredibly accomplished; he was also very approachable, friendly, and genuine and had a great sense of humor. He was the kind of person that was not only inspiring to watch, but also had the kind of infectious enthusiasm that made you excited about music, friends, and life in general.   Over the years, Jerry would remain a somewhat regular topic of conversation amongst my band mates and friends. Not to mention the fact that his style and Maserati’s music had started influencing our music.

The last time I saw Maserati perform was in September 2009.   Before and after their sound check at the The Mink Backroom, folks jockeyed for a good spot to take photos or dance.   Jerry got off the stage, saw me, and came up to chat. He mentioned how weird it was to be playing a show in Houston, but not to be playing with Sharks and Sailors. It was really nice to have someone I admire remember me and appreciate the music I helped make.

I see live music all the time, but that Maserati show stuck out in my mind as being one of the most inspiring shows I’ve witnessed in the last few years. It was the kind of show that made you want to immediately drive to your practice space and create something.

He wanted to chat after they played, but I had work early in the morning and didn’t stick around.   I wish I would have…

Jerry tragically passed away on November 8, 2009′ exactly one year ago today.   He was in Brooklyn, on his way to attend a benefit event for underprivileged children.   He was riding a freight elevator up to the event until it got stuck in between the 4th and 5th floor.   He attempted to jump out of the elevator to the floor below, but the hoodie he was wearing got snagged on something, causing him to fall back down the shaft.   Jerry died later that evening at Bellvue Hospital in New York City.

Although I was not close with Jerry, he is an inspiration to me not just for his skills but also for his infectious passion and sincerity.   I know I am just one in a sea of many who was moved by Jerry’s personality. Evidence of his influence is abundant all over the web. People just like me shared their stories, thoughts and comments online after learning of his passing.

“You were truly one of a kind, and whether you knew it or not, people wanted to be in the same room as you, or near the same room as you, because maybe just maybe, some of that radiant joy and in-the-moment spirit you exuded would rub off on them.”

‘I could honestly go on forever about the guy. His laugh was infectious, his mustache almost a trademark, his insistence on calling you “bro” was genuine and no-where near ironic. If you were his friend, you truly were just that — if you hung out with him once, or a million times. It didn’t matter. And he was probably the best goddamn drummer I’ve ever seen — but you all probably know that already.”

I’m pretty sure Jerry would think this was a downer of a post.   But really, as far as life lessons and gratitude go, his life and his passing really stress the importance of enjoying and appreciating life and the things you are passionate about and the people who you share these experiences with.   I hope that one day I can radiate even a fraction of the joy and character Jerry had. He meant as much to his fans as he did his friends, and that fact is a testimony to his spirit.

This one’s for you, Jerry!
Sharks and Sailors’ ‘In Memory” (unmastered segment)

Don’t Knock It Until You’ve Tried It

Sadly a lot of people will say they don’t like something even though they’ve never tried it.

People will say “I don’t like that…” whether it’s a sport, traveling, a new beer, or even a whole country of people they’ve never met. I can honestly say that I used to be this way too. I have found that by being close minded to new and possibly better things, you miss out on a whole lot of awesome.

Growing up, I used to eat my steaks Well Done because that is how my parents would order them and really, I didn’t know any better. If in early high school and you were to present me with a steak that was Medium or God forbid, Medium-Rare I would of rejected it. It wasn’t until I was in a situation where I had to be polite when offered a Medium-Rare steak that I found what I had been missing for so long. I then took the mindset of “Don’t Knock It Until You’ve Tried It” and applied that to food in general. I have come to find and love many more culinary delights since then and I can trace my culinary “open-mindedness” back to that one experience. Heck, if it turns out that you don’t like something… you never have to eat it again.

Medium Rare Steak
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/thaddeus_griffin/

This same concept can be applied to your views on people that are different from you. Whether it’s  their  religion, ethnicity, sexual preference, financial bracket, political preference or whatever else one can  conjure  up to divide us. If you don’t know someone who is White, Brown, Black, Green, Purple, Straight, Gay, Muslim, Christian, Canadian, American, Protestant, Catholic or whatever else, then it doesn’t seem fair to come to a conclusion when in fact you don’t know.

Don’t be afraid of the “Medium-Rare” because you might just like it.

Always Carry Your Camera in Your Purse…or Man Satchel

Anyone that knows me, will tell you  I like to tell stories – some make complete sense others are  borderline bizarre – but one thing I know for sure, they are best accompanied with a  photo. That being said, a lesson I am grateful to have learned  was to always carry your camera in your purse, pocket, fanny pack  and yes, even  that  beloved man satchel.

Because let’s be honest,  if you  don’t carry a camera with you at all times, how can you tell people…

How beautiful your mom is.

That you were there.

That your baby looks brilliant in a Trapper Hat.

That  your baby nephew will be the most stylish kid on the block.

How  you hugged a giant macaroni.

That you kissed a baby giraffe.

Or that you patted a dolphin on the head.

That you have been a human crayon.

That sometimes, you must forego your Cowboys gear for the one you love.

That it is not a joke how much your family loves miniature schnauzers.

And that you really do have the best friends in the world.

You Can Always Go Downtown

When I accepted my job at Schipul back in January, I was scared.

It wasn’t the challenge of the new job, no, it was because I was leaving something, Downtown Houston, that had very much become an important part of my identity.

Downtown has long been one of my favorite places in Houston. Shortly after graduating from college, I started hitting the Flying Saucer. While attending Texas Christian University, I had begun the quest of getting a plate at the original Flying Saucer in Fort Worth, TX. During this time, I got to know Downtown, and learned it was a helluva lot easier to figure out that most people around Houston think.

I was one of the thousands of folks that celebrated the Super Bowl and the MLB All-Star game. Downtown had finally arrived, and I was in the thick of it with people I count today as my best friends.

On Memorial Day weekend in 2005, I moved into the East End, and took a job at Society for the Performing Arts. My education in all things Downtown soared to a new level. I was working and playing Downtown, and even started taking METRO to work. Thus Urban Houstonian was born. I bought a Manhattan Portage messenger bag, subscribed to some Esquire and Texas Monthly magazines (because you need something to read on the bus to work), and started blogging about my adventures.

I was getting off the 36 Kempwood/Lawndale at Dallas and Rusk, and hoofing it the rest of the way to Jones Hall and the SPA offices. It was one of the best times of my entire life. Downtown was my neighborhood, my special place where anything was possible.

But that was all set to end when I took the job at Schipul. My urban commute of 5 miles was going to balloon to 22 miles! Schipul offices are OUTSIDE THE BELTWAY?! I was bracing for the daily grind of relying on I-10 for my daily commute. I-10! The harbinger of traffic death in Houston, Texas.

O – M – G!

Some of my friends joked that I was not going to have to start calling myself Sub-Urban Houstonian. The new job eventually necessitated a move JUST outside the Loop. Yes, the Urban Houstonian now lived outside the Loop. Look for my thoughts on that soon on my blog.

But here’s the thing, I’m still a Downtown guy. I’m a  subscriber to the Houston Ballet and Houston Symphony. I volunteer for SPA, and recently got to attend the most amazing performance by MOMIX. In fact, I attend MORE performances now than I did when I was working in the Theater District! And, last night, some fellow Schipulites and I even attended the Houston Downtown Alliance Heart of the City Gala last night at House of Blues.

What I thought I was going to lose, I have gained plus MORE, and I am so grateful to the people and opportunities that have allowed that to happen this Thanksgiving. Through them I’ve learned . . .

Everything’s waiting for you . . . in Downtown.

Don’t Thank Me

Those Winter Sundays | Poet Robert Hayden
In the first stanza of Robert Hayden‘s poem, ‘Those Winter Sundays,” the son/narrator describes the ritual of his father on a cold, Sunday morning:

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

While in bed last night, thinking of what to write about for my Thirty Days of Thanks blog post, I immediately thought of my own father and his rituals. Those humid weekday mornings in Houston, where he manicured lawns with weed whackers, tamed the electric snarl of table saws, drowned wasp nests with slithering water hoses. He worked nights but never rested when he got home. He would stay dressed in his cracked maintenance uniform, his fingers stained with grease, his thinning hair sitting heavy on his head. He would find work to do, he would move through the house like a bear blustering with hunger before heading to bed and his snoring collapsed walls.

I would sometimes watch him and wonder why he needed to work so hard, needed to work all the time. Like in ‘Those Winter Sundays” no one ever thanked him. I don’t think he ever expected us to. But I watched him always, learning from the serenade of his hands, memorizing the callous melody of hard work. It is because of him I now work with a company that I love, work with coworkers and clients that I respect and that respect me. It was a long road to get here but I never quit, I kept pushing and earning my way.

I know that one day I will have my own family that won’t thank me either. Who won’t know of ‘love’s austere and lonely offices” and that’s fine. I think my father would prefer it that way and honestly, I do too.

The Time to Hesitate is Through

In the 1995 film, Empire Records, the character Lucas states a lyric from The Doors, ‘the time to hesitate is through.”   That phrase has stuck with me until today.

I used that lyric as my senior quote next to my high school yearbook picture.   Up until then I just did was I was told, went with the flow, tried to not rock-the-boat.   But when that quote was in print next to my picture, it changed my perspective on living by the book.

It was one line, in one movie, that made me change my perspective and go after everything I ever wanted in life.   I embraced it and never looked back.   I went to college and became involved in just about every activity possible; except for sports (I was never good at sports).

I learned that to hesitate was just to let the world pass you by instead of jumping in head first and going for all the world has to offer.

So my thanks go to The Doors, for their wonderful songwriting and to the writers of Empire Records, for putting that one lyric, in that one movie, so that one day when I saw it, my time for hesitation was through.

Schipul Thanks – A month of gratitude and life lessons

Schipul is thankful

Happy November!   We’ve passed the sugar high of Halloween and are focusing our thoughts around the more introspective (and turkey laden) Thanksgiving season.

This month each member of our team is sharing a source of inspiration in their lives – whether it’s a person, a book, a movie or a blog – that has helped guide them to where they are today.

We encourage you to chime in with your own sources of inspiration this month and check out our Thirty Days of Thanks posts from our 2010 series as well.

The biggest thanks, of course, goes out to our clients who make everyday at the office possible and exciting.   Your feedback, ideas and exciting missions keep our teams in a state of constant growth and development.

We love watching your communities connect, your businesses thrive and your events prosper – thanks for being the biggest inspiration of all!

Photo thanks to Flickr user visitamommy